About

I've always been a bit on the MASSIVE side things, well except for when I was conceived and till the age of about 6.


Until the age of 6 I was always sick and never eating. My parents were rushing me in and out of hospital. I don't exactly remember how I recovered from my illness but I guess my immune system started doing its job. I slowly started eating more and MORE and my family encouraged this because they were so amazed at the fact that I was able to eat......


DA Da dummmm.....it all went down hill from here. I picked up really bad food habits, started eating a lot of junk and copious amounts of it. My go to food was HOT CHIPS (oh the wonders of a negligent child wanting FRIED food....!!) there was no stopping me.

                                                                            
                                                                           

2001

                                                       

2003

2005

2007

I was always on the radar of being bullied and my childhood nickname was one-TONNER. This did get to me quit a bit but I just learned to live with it.  I was clueless and unaware of my health issues, what I was eating (I just enjoyed everything and anything) and definitely what I looked like. 

My family, especially my dad would lecture me about my unhealthy lifestyle. But meh~ it all sounded like a bogus to me. I was young, uneducated in terms of a healthy lifestyle and simply just enjoyed putting junk in my mouth.

I mean I had always been active and friends would tell me that I was all muscle (huh?! yeah right!!) so I was convinced.

uhhhhhh~ and then 2008 came around and I began to feel acquainted with the excess baggage I was lugging around and all the crappy food I was constantly eating. Turning point was when a mate of mine told me that I needed to lose some weight (Slap, Punch..kick in the face) boy oh boy did that hurt!!....Looking back now I actually appreciate that he spoke his mind unlike many others who would just say that I was big boned or it was genetics. Uhm!?! genetic.....My parents are close to super athletes (OK a little exaggeration there)....All in all the way I was no others fault but me.

So August 2008 I began to 'DIET' (boy do I hate that word!!). Without seeking professional help or any knowledge of what a good diet was I went on every diet you could think of- cabbage soup diet, variety of detoxes, no dinner diet, fruit only for lunch and dinner diet, meal replacements, lite and easy, weight watchers, suppressed pills, stimulants...I could honestly go on and on.....

Nothing would work....gaahhh!!! The feeling of fustration and failure...THE FAILURE!!!

At this point I wanted it BAD, and I began to count calories (worst decision in my life)...I started to limit my calorie intake to about 400-600a day and power walked 2hrs a day. I started to become really pedantic about my foods. People began to comment on my foods and how I was eating, because of this I stopped going out with friends and family. From here it only got worse depression, bad temper and mood swings would consume me day in and day out. I became a person that I didn't understand any more. The only thing that kept me going was that the weight was coming off. I managed to drop 20kgs (without a doubt it being mostly muscle mass)

2010

The tragic thing is at this point I still had convinced myself that I was fat and wanted to lose more and more. It became an obsession that was consuming my life emotionally and physically. 

I started going out a little more early 2010, hence I was put in situations where I would have to eat foods that I wouldn't normally eat. 

As a result of that I began to purge, it started off as once every couple of weeks then daily. (My body was going through all sorts) I also began to exercise like crazy to compensate all the extra foods. 

The purging seemed to help me psychologically as I would go into great anxiety attacks if I didn't.

As bad as this may sound sometimes I allowed myself to indulge (not necessarily binge) knowing that I could let it all out later. So I began to eat more (still under the 1000cal limit).

The purging helped me maintain for a short period of time but then I began to slowly pile on the weight again. I did seek professional help to cope with the anxiety and the emotional stress but I wasn't ready to speak to anyone at that time and shut everyone out.

Mid 2011
Completed the City to Surf  in 75mins

So instead I began to increase my activity levels - I was running 10kms daily and walking 5kms/7days a week.

But the weight wouldn't budge!!!?


To add to all the problems I somehow managed to injure myself at work and found out that I had ruptured a disc in back causing an annular tear. So I Had to give up Taekwondo and most of my exercise routines. I had to take on a lot of physiotherapy and lots of gym work to strengthen the back. The only cardio I could do was swimming. (But that's another story I won't get into)

Later in 2011 I sought for professional advice and many told me that my body was hoarding.

1. Because I was undereating

2. The purging was screwing with my hormones

3. I was overexercising

I was told to increase my intake to 1600cals/day (measured through a dexa a scan which will come later in my posts). DOUBLE MY INTAKE?!?!?! This took a serious toll on my mental state.....however, because I had tried everything else I have decided to give it a go (with loads of support from family and friends)....I knew I was going to pack on the weight, I mean come on!! burn more than you eat RIGHT?!?! My body was so used to eating 800cals a day, oh HELLO 1600calories....and yes I did gain weight....a total of 10kgs gradually over 2011.

There were many times I wanted to quit and go back to minimal eating but I knew I had to do it the right way this time. No quick fixes.

Late 2011/2012

Since the beginning of 2012 I have brought on board a PT to help me balance my training, nutrition and to fix what I have misconstrued. Unfortunately, I can't say that I have won my battles against my eating disorders but I can say that I have finally accepted the fact that it is wrong and harmful. On the brighter side of things I am DEFINITELY well on the way of getting there. 

This blog will be a story of how I overcome my personal challenges and DEFEAT!